Friday, 28 October 2005

Not as harmless as you might think

I wrote last year of the irritating way in which the fine old English tradition of letting off fireworks on November 5th to celebrate the torture and disembowelment of some misguided and incompetent seventeenth-century terrorists is nowadays overshadowed by the Halloween tomfoolery.
Recently, however, I have realised that Halloween is not merely a silly custom but represents a real threat to our way of life and, indeed, to our very souls. This warning is given in an excellent website set up by the Landover Baptist Church, of Freehold, Iowa (“Where the worthwhile worship. Guaranteeing Salvation since 1612”).
There are links to many pages of helpful guidance such as “How to Crash Satan’s Birthday Party and Ruin Halloween”, “Trick or Tract”, "10 Halloween Tips for Holyweeners” and “Will Jesus Sling Little Children Into Hell For Celebrating Halloween?”
Other pages on the site give more general information and advice on Christian matters, including “Do You Have Demons in Your Colon?” and “How to Organize a Book-Burning”. There are also some attractive offers like “Win A Vacation With President Bush! An exclusive offer for Republican friends of Jesus Christ!
We all have friends who are less God-fearing than we would like them to be. Encourage them to browse on this website and after half an hour they will be shaking with terror. Or something.

4 comments:

Minerva said...

I am shaking my head in amazement. How on earth did you find this? I love the idea of Jesus slinging little children into Hell - no emotive language there!

Mind you, this past week of half term I would be quite happy to do a little 'slinging' myself...

Minerva

Tony said...

Oh, I've known about it for a long time. It has been a constant source of inspiration and guidance to me since early childhood.

Elizabeth said...

Why, didn't you know that Landover is just a joke?

Tony said...

Of course I knew that, you silly woman.
I've visited your website and looked at your predictions for earlier years. It was very unwise of you to leave them on the net, because all of them either prophesied things that were quite likely to happen, or things that didn't happen at all, clearly showing that you are a rotten prophetess. If, as you say, your prophecies are inspired by God, then clearly he is pulling your leg.
P.S. I take back what I said about you being a silly woman; one has to respect anyone who can make megabucks, as you obviously do, out of peddling this kind of garbage to credulous people.