Thursday 13 May 2010

Letters from Stu Pidd-Guise

Towards the end of last year there was a letter published in Private Eye with the writer's name adding a final note. This has evoked a flood of letters of the same kind; they now appear in every issue in a section entitled Pseudo Names. Here is a selection:

We feel there should be a Pseudo Names song—perhaps to the tune of one of those 1960s novelty numbers.
ANNIE TZIBITZI
DEAN E. WEANEY
E. LO POLKER
DOT B. KEANEY

Please do not stop the silly names correspondence. Man, it rocks!
STU FORDER-SHOW
FREDA GETREADY
ANNA GOKATGO

Would you consider reviving the full column in time for Easter?
THERESA GREENHILL
FARAH WHEY

Only one Pseudo Name in the current Eye; the end of this juvenile rubbish is in sight—heaven be praised!
HAL A. LOOYER

Please don't leave the Pseudo Names feature without a home this Christmas.
A. WAY
IAN A. MANGER
NOAH CRIBB-FAWE
A. BED

Will there be a special Christmas edition of Pseudo Names? We certainly hope so.
DEE
HOLLY
ANDY
IVY

Pseudo Names will not be over until the fat lady has sung the last carol.
CY LENT-KNIGHT
HOLLY KNIGHT
ALISSA CALM
ALICE BRYTE

I was delighted to see Pseudo Names published in your Christmas edition. For me it was the icing on the tree.
MICK SMETAFORS

Pseudo Names, along with Malapropisms and Spoonerisms, should be consigned to the garbage can of history.
LYNN BINER

We were wondering if earlier correspondents could ever have imagined that their letters would result in such a long-running and popular feature.
LUKE WATT
HUGH STARTED

Being German, your English humour I find hard to understand. I hope that there are no hidden meanings that would trigger litigation.
ALICE INORDNUNG

Here in Ulm, I am one of the few people to understand your English way of thinking.
COUNT von SELF-LUKKI

Though I love it to bits and look forward to its appearance, I'm not at all sure what the highly cultured Chinese would make of your Pseudo Names section.
RHODA BORROCKS

Do you think it is due to state censorship that we haven't received Private Eye for two months here in Beijing?
Y.R. WEE-WEI TING

We heartily approve of Pseudo Names going international.
STEPHANIE WRIGHT
DEREK SHUN

It has been a very cold winter here. I should have stayed at home.
S. KEYMOE-NELLE

Of course, it is universally recognised that German Pseudo Names are the best.
DOT SCHLAND
HUGH BERALLES

Re the claim that German Pseudo Names are the best, is it not just typical of the Boche to claim superiority?
ALAIN ZONFONT
DELLA PAT RHEA

We do hope that you will not allow correspondents using false names to slip in subliminal political messages, thus undermining your tradition of political independence.
DAVE SAWINNER
GORDON MUSSGOE

Some say that we need a leader who combines the best qualities of Gordon Brown and Margaret Thatcher.
BRUNHILDE

2 comments:

Pasmi Bin Okklars said...

I have been quietly enjoying your columns from a long way off, but have resisted comment until now.

I.N. TYRELY, AG RHEE said...

Hear, hear.