Conservapedia: A loss to the world of comedy

Feeling lazy this weekend, and looking for some easy laughs and a post that writes itself, I thought of doing as dozens of commentators have done since the right-wing reference source Conservapedia was launched on the internet last November: simply quoting, or providing links to, some of its dottier entries.

Sadly, however, for the moment it seems to be impossible to access the site*. This may be because its server (probably just one, bought on eBay) could not cope with a huge volume of hits. Many of these would have been from jokers trying to post parody entries, a pointless task when most of the genuine entries parody themselves so brilliantly.

So all I can do is to list a few examples of entries quoted by others which illustrate the site’s factual inaccuracy, extremism, unhelpfulness, hypocrisy, and bias, and its tendency to ignore the scientific consensus on subjects such as the Big Bang and evolution in favour of biblical exegesis. Some of these entries were hoaxes, some have now been amended and some deleted, but all of them did once appear in Conservapedia and they give you the flavour.

Kangaroo
Like all modern animals, modern kangaroos originated in the Middle East and are the descendants of the two founding members of the modern kangaroo baramin that were taken aboard Noah's Ark prior to the Great Flood.

Iraq
A Middle-Eastern country, currently occupied by U.S. Troops.

Fox News
Fox News was started in 1996 in response to the other cable news channels which all had obvious liberal biases. Because of this, Rupert Murdoch decided to start a real new channel which would tell the truth. The success of Fox news over every other news channel is because it is fair and balanced. It has many people on it who work to spread truth such as Sean Hannity who is a great American. Fox News is best because instead of just telling you what to think, they only report the news unbiased and then allow the viewer to decide.

Atheism
Atheism is the disbelief in the existence of any supernatural deity. This disbelief can take a number of forms, such as the assertion that deities do not exist, or the absence of any belief in any deity. Since atheists have no God, as a philosophical framework atheism simply provides no logical basis for any moral standard. They live their lives according to the rule that “anything goes”. In recent years, this has led to a large rise in drug use, pre-marital sex, teenage pregnancy, paedophilia and bestiality.

Stalin
Josef Stalin was an atheist communist Russian dictator during World War II. He was defeated by Adolf Hitler, despite Hitler also being an atheist.

Anything Goes
Anything Goes is the title of a 1934 musical production written by Cole Porter. Popular songs from the musical include You’re the Top, I Get a Kick Out of You, and Anything Goes. Because Porter was a homosexual, we can conclude that ‘anything goes’ was also his philosophy of life. Many atheists have adopted the song as a description of their “moral” code.

Sex
1. The process by which offspring are conceived.
2. Another term for gender.

Liberal
A liberal in the early 1800s in Europe was one who favored more powerful elected assemblies. The term was common in France shortly after the French Revolution. Modern liberals are treasonous and generally hate America

Falafel
A falafel is a Mediterranean dish made with spiced Garbanzo Beans. It should not be confused with a loofah which is a bath sponge.

Some say the whole website was an amusing joke, but I fear not. Wikipedia states that the project was founded by Andrew Schlafly, son of conservative activist Phyllis Schlafly, in response to a claimed anti-Christian and anti-American bias in the articles of Wikipedia. According to a FAQ on Conservapedia, it originated from a project for homeschooled children, and its creator believes it could eventually evolve into a “reference for teachers”. It is obvious that some of the entries were written by children, and it is frightening to think that there are children in the United States being fed this sort of stuff.

* Later in March: Conservapedia is back again, and as perky as ever!
Its article on Sex, which I quoted in full above, has disappeared and now there is just a note : This page has been deleted, and protected to prevent re-creation. This was probably because the definitions given were considered too explicit, and might have evoked ungodly thoughts in the young. The deletion will be disappointing, however, to those who look up the word with prurient intent: they will never know how informative and titillating the original page was.