Anyone fancy a bit of franchemyle?

It occurs to me that since it became possible earlier this year to consult a whole range of hugely estimable reference books online, free, I am making insufficient use of the opportunity, particularly with regard to the greatest of them, the Oxford English Dictionary. I have continued to write using, mostly, words we all know and understand; this is boring for me and shows contempt for my readers, suggesting that few among them can be bothered to look anything up.

It is time I abandoned all prorogation on this matter: I must rache and start using some grown-up words, though it would be Panglossian of me to imagine that this will achieve any kind of consuccination. Some will no doubt frample delightedly all the interesting words I may use; others, particularly the kind of young people who practise labretifery, may fear abrasure and will make no comment, remaining obmutescent, struck with jactitation and obambulating wildly. These fools deserve an inguinal kick or even a fast punch in the chel.

But then, I’m just a digamous old deipnosophist; who cares what I think?

[One of the words above doesn't exist, or if it does the OED hasn't picked it up yet.]