Wednesday 4 May 2005

He be silly prat

I remember a moment of joy on a bad day at the office some years ago when I discovered by accident that these words made an anagram of the name of a colleague of mine.
This encouraged me to buy a computer program for exploring anagrams (the latest version costs £24.95). This is perhaps a childish pursuit but one which has given me much pleasure. Apart from enabling you to find new anagrams of your own the program lists 15,000 of the best ever, encourages you to submit more and updates you by email from time to time with topical ones.
I quote here, from their latest bulletin, their correspondents’ suggestions relating to current British politics. These reached me just in time, for about thirty-six hours from now we shall have a good idea of the election result and can turn our thoughts to something more elevating.
In most elections one wouldn’t want to print anagrams casting aspersions on the probity or competence of those leaders whom one admires and supports, but of course this time the need for any such inhibition simply doesn’t arise:

The Conservative Party has not been in power for a while but maybe this time around they will attract nervy, apathetic voters.
When one considers their earlier funding for education, is it more than coincidence that the letters of the Conservative Party also make teacher in vast poverty?
And what about the health service? Could spending cuts after they have been let back in mean that they reactivate NHS poverty?
But is the Labour Party much different from the Conservatives? A simple rearrangement shows that they travel a bluer Tory path.
Their right-wing credentials also seem to be confirmed by many anagrams of their leaders' names. Tony Blair becomes a Tory in Lab. while Tony Blair MP rearranges as I'm Tory plan B. Even Prime Minister Tony Blair tells us: I'm Britain's Tory peril, men, to which he might well add: Blimey! I'm irritant person.
But what of the Liberal Democrats? They may well have creditable morals but perhaps in reality their party is just a terrible old scam.
The minor parties don't sound much good either. What are the Scottish National Party involved in? Clearly: oh, nasty tartan politics, while The UK Independence party have been heard to cry: 'End EU and keep the pint!'

And what can be said about our next Prime Minister?
Anagrams are especially cruel to The Right Honourable Michael Howard MP, describing him as the horrid, globular chap. Women hate him. He wouldn't be much nicer as Prime Minister Michael Howard, either: 'I howl. I'm mean-spirited charmer', he would declare.
Prime Minister Gordon Brown may well succeed Tony Blair if Labour wins another term, though it seems he would be the worst, boring premier - no mind.
Prime Minister Charles Kennedy is unlikely to be appointed, which may be a good thing since he could be a semipermanently sick hinderer.

Whatever happens at the polls tomorrow, our prospects don't look too good, with the Houses of Parliament involved in the shameful operations carried out by loonies far up the Thames.

1 comment:

The Continental Op said...

Anagram for "election day" = "only a deceit"!