Saturday, 19 February 2005

Don’t bother with this weblog

There are several ways of keeping your blog private by making it so unattractive that no stranger who comes across it by chance will linger a moment to read it, but will hastily move on to something else. One way is to have the text very small, in dark grey on a black background, and to ensure that the title and description are either cryptic or misspelt or contain obscenities, or all three. Another is to have it play an awful midi file of a tinkling piano when it opens. These techniques are very popular, but the trouble is that using them could mean that no-one you know will want to read your blog, and you might not even want to read it yourself.

Another approach is to include a number of images so totally devoid of interest or significance to the casual reader that his eyes will glaze over as soon as he sees them. These might include pictures of your cat doing something cute, or of yourself in a funny hat, or of un-named people sitting round a table having a good time.

But the real interest-killers are your HOLIDAY SNAPS, especially those that show some magnificent vista or fascinating sight – the Taj Mahal by moonlight, say - partially obscured by members of your family wearing silly grins.

I have over three thousand of these held ready to post in order to repel hoi polloi over the coming years. Thirty of them are HERE.

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