Friday, 3 September 2004

Italian abroad

I have no need to apologise to my Italian friends for this; it was passed to me by a French friend.

One day I go abroad and stay in bigga hotel. Inna morning I go down to eata breakfast. I tella waitress I wanna two pissas toast. She brings only one piss. I tella I wan two piss. She say go toilet. I say you no understand, I wan two piss on ma plate. She say you betta no pissa onna plate you dirty sonna bitch. I donna even know lady and she calla me sonna bitch.

Later I go to cafe. The waitress bring me knife but no fock. I tella I wan fock. She say everybody wan fock. I say you no understand, I wanna fock on table. She say you betta no fock on table you dirty sonna bitch. I fed up so I go back to hotel to sleep.

At hotel I find no shets on bed. I call manager and tella him I wanna shet on bed. He say you betta no shet on bed you dirty sonna bitch. I go to reception and man say Peace on you. I say piss on you too farter of bitch. I gonna go back to Italy pronto.

3 comments:

PerfectlyVocal said...

Issa good story, yes? Venice you gonna visit again?

Astolath said...

Very good - had me giggling!

Puts me in mind of Spike Milligan's story about staying in a French hotel. He decided to use his rusty French when ordering lunch. Something obviously got lost in translation.

They brought him a small statue of the Eiffel Tower covered in custard!
:)

Tony said...

Cal: Nexta month. You wanna come wid me?

Neal: Can't quite see how your comment relates to "Italian abroad" and anyway I cannot accept what you say. My life may have been many things, but a vapor of smoke it was certainly not.

Astolath: Dear Spike, but I don't believe a word of it