tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-69927792024-03-23T18:27:24.647+00:00Other Men's Flowers<a href="http://appsomf.blogspot.com/2004/03/notes-and-profile.html">ABOUT</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger1243125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6992779.post-90453344824860143612017-05-25T08:20:00.000+01:002017-05-25T08:20:34.683+01:00Ten Questions: 111-120<br />
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<i>Ten Questions to which we have neither the answer <u>nor the question</u>. Tony was always of enquiring mind. It was this impish curiosity that led him to blog in the first place, along with a desire to test others' curiosity, hence these Ten Questions posts. I think he would be well satisfied with this as a last post – enquiring yet, vitally, <u>completely and utterly without point or purpose</u>. One might almost call it Vintage OMF. If one had nothing better to do.</i><br />
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<i>Another quality of Tony was a keenness to avoid the overstaying of a welcome – his, certainly, but also yours. He always made this very clear – sometimes, indeed, as you were stepping over his threshold ready to down one of his famously tonic-lite G&Ts ("You'll be wanting to make an early start back, I shouldn't wonder. We shan't be hurt"). So he would not want any blog of his to overstay its welcome either. Five years, five posts feels like about the very longest coda he would tolerate, so we shall leave it there. Hopefully his words will not suffer too much bitrot in the years to come and ardent and (especially) lazy readers of the future alike will stumble across some choice OMF posts as a result of searching for some esoteric yet trivial items of interest. Other Men's Flowers: wasting your time until the end of time. That is the hope.</i><br />
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<i>Family of Tony, 2017.</i>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6992779.post-49481532999364702772016-05-25T12:00:00.000+01:002016-05-25T14:56:03.587+01:00Ninetieth anniversary of a philosophical hat<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
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<i><span style="font-family: inherit;">Of this post we have only the title. It's a typically quixotic and faintly silly title, all that Other Men's Flowers aspired to be, except for typical. This would have been 49th in Tony's series of hat-related posts, one shudders to </span></i><i><span style="font-family: inherit;">think what number 50 would have been like. As it is, we shall never know which hat was philosophical and ninety years old. Which is just as it should be, really.</span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: inherit;">There will be one more post this time next year, just as uninformative as this one. But Other Men's Flowers has always striven to be complete if </span></i><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>nothing else.</i></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6992779.post-21530815642419069002015-05-25T14:57:00.000+01:002015-05-25T14:57:05.741+01:00Elvis ahead of Stalin but Jesus lags behind fish<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If you search for these words, Google will count in millions all the websites which contained them in March this year [<i>Tony drafted this in 2012</i>] and (in brackets) in March 2004.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> <em>fish</em> 31 185<br />
Jesus 23 177<br />
Hitler 3 154<br />
Caesar 3 154<br />
George Bush 2 153<br />
Beckham 2 94<br />
Tony Blair 2 35<br />
Elvis 2 16<br />
Stalin 1 8<br />
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72 978</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>This was one of the posts which was as much about an enigmatic title as about its subject. I think Tony just liked gathering unlikely combinations - the very essence of Montaigne. On how many lists other than Hello!'s Top Ten Most Photographed do you find Tony Blair next to David Beckham, after all? Blair, Bush and Stalin often figure together, on the other hand, so perhaps Tony was onto something and that was his point, the mischievous fellow. </i></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6992779.post-21111787856820054842014-05-25T11:00:00.000+01:002014-05-25T19:11:00.512+01:00Bosoms heaving with pain<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 100%; line-height: 130%;">In post about celebrity funerals I published the other day, I noted that many of them are said to have been attended by one hundred thousand mourners. However, sometimes the turnout, though smaller, is just as impressive in a different way, by virtue of the great emotion being felt by all. An example is the funeral of the Reverend George Gilfillan of Dundee, to which thirty thousand people came.<br />
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This great occasion was well commemorated in a poem by William Topaz McGonagall. The news that some autographed poems of his fetched large sums at auction recently gives me an excuse for quoting it in full:<br />
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<strong>The Burial of the Reverend George Gilfillan</strong><br />
On the Gilfillan burial day,<br />
In the Hill o' Balgay,<br />
It was a most solemn sight to see,<br />
Not fewer than thirty thousand people assembled in Dundee,<br />
All watching the funeral procession of Gilfillan that day,<br />
That death had suddenly taken away,<br />
And was going to be buried in the Hill o' Balgay.<br />
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There were about three thousand people in the procession alone,<br />
And many were shedding tears, and several did moan,<br />
And their bosoms heaved with pain,<br />
Because they knew they would never look upon his like again.<br />
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There could not be fewer than fifty carriages in the procession that day,<br />
And gentlemen in some of them that had come from far away,<br />
And in whispers some of them did say,<br />
As the hearse bore the precious corpse away,<br />
Along the Nethergate that day.<br />
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I'm sure he will be greatly missed by the poor,<br />
For he never turned them empty-handed away from his door;<br />
And to assist them in distress it didn't give him pain,<br />
And I'm sure the poor will never look upon his like again.<br />
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On the Gilfillan burial day, in the Hill o' Balgay,<br />
There was a body of policemen marshalled in grand array<br />
And marched in front of the procession all the way;<br />
Also the relatives and friends of the deceas'd,<br />
Whom I hope from all sorrows has been releas'd,<br />
And whose soul I hope to heaven has fled away,<br />
To sing with saints above for ever and aye.<br />
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The provost, magistrates, and town council were in the procession that day;<br />
Also Mrs Gilfillan, who cried and sobbed all the way<br />
For her kind husband, that was always affable and gay,<br />
Which she will remember until her dying day.<br />
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When the procession arrived in the Hill o' Balgay,<br />
The people were almost as hush as death, and many of them did say<br />
--As long as we live we'll remember the day<br />
That the great Gilfillan was buried in the Hill o'Balgay.<br />
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When the body of the great Gilfillan was lowered into the grave,<br />
'Twas then the people's hearts with sorrow did heave;<br />
And with tearful eyes and bated breath,<br />
Mrs Gilfillan lamented her loving husband's death.<br />
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Then she dropped a ringlet of immortelles into his grave,<br />
Then took one last fond look, and in sorrow did leave;<br />
And all the people left with sad hearts that day,<br />
And that ended the Gilfillan burial in the Hill o' Balgay.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><span style="font-size: 100%; line-height: 130%;">"The other day" isn't quite right, as the </span><span style="line-height: 20px;">previous</span><span style="font-size: 100%; line-height: 130%;"> post </span><span style="line-height: 20px;">was</span><span style="font-size: 100%; line-height: 130%;"> </span></i></span><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><span style="line-height: 20px;">published one year ago today but I ain't going to mess with Pater's words. I think it is a coincidence that two of the remaining draft posts that Tony left were about funerals. He was not a maudlin fellow and these were not drafted at a time when such things were especially on his mind. Anyway, no more funeral posts after this one. Not a vintage post, this, composed as it is mainly of someone else's work. But he was always an admirer of the work of others – from a safe distance – something he passed on to me. </span></i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 100%; line-height: 130%;"></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6992779.post-70509178623147618802013-05-25T15:00:00.000+01:002013-05-25T21:12:04.606+01:00Seeing them off<div>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 100%; line-height: 130%;">Fourteen years ago Frank Sinatra's funeral was held in Beverly Hills. Four hundred celebrities were in attendance, including Bill Clinton and Nancy Reagan. John Paul II didn't show up, but many other showbiz personalities were there including Tony Bennett and of course top names from the world of organised crime. Half a dozen helicopters circled overhead and "a skywriting plane traced a giant cross, the letters 'F.S.' and a heart in the brilliant blue sky overhead".</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 100%; line-height: 130%;">That was all as it should be, but a report that "several hundred fans lined the streets around the church in quiet, respectful knots" makes the occasion sound rather low-key, though one must remember that thronging the streets is not something that the residents of Beverly Hills are accustomed to do, whatever the event.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 100%; line-height: 130%;">In demonstrations of real affection, the attendance of <strong>100,000</strong> mourners seems to be the norm. "On 12 October 1922, over <strong>100,000</strong> people attended Marie Lloyd's funeral at Hampstead, weeping as they followed the funeral procession of twelve cars full of flowers."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXbI6S9-6aD2TRvrpZaaBqhlyNKirHMQFyW-3yqQcUwYChS53gzD3pF-GX-kAh9PyZxN3S_xAIIhl6nvbMq6_TxpRt1Ypvyk1If3YiLN32RxE3gpSgdwwUnfPTMYl_cWcfpxMbqA/s1600-h/Valentino%5B1%5D.jpg"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5297410912977460178" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXbI6S9-6aD2TRvrpZaaBqhlyNKirHMQFyW-3yqQcUwYChS53gzD3pF-GX-kAh9PyZxN3S_xAIIhl6nvbMq6_TxpRt1Ypvyk1If3YiLN32RxE3gpSgdwwUnfPTMYl_cWcfpxMbqA/s320/Valentino%5B1%5D.jpg" style="float: left; height: 200px; margin: 0px 10px 10px 0px; width: 159px;" /></span></a><br />
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Then, in August 1926, "an estimated <strong>100,000</strong> people lined the streets of New York to pay their respects at Rudolph Valentino's funeral". Windows were smashed as fans tried to get close to the hearse or into the funeral parlor.<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3eknATbBixYK4-_Zb7GBxPVKKUzANWkaubUYWGoN5vc0MMtlgoucshLl_gq1D5oxLRk4Ydw7ByarBir8QoMsRVMwkZzIvVONAAYTflIMbKmQAseXdo437rY4mpqtwPuO8SvMARg/s1600-h/Piaf.jpg"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5194623390368005538" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3eknATbBixYK4-_Zb7GBxPVKKUzANWkaubUYWGoN5vc0MMtlgoucshLl_gq1D5oxLRk4Ydw7ByarBir8QoMsRVMwkZzIvVONAAYTflIMbKmQAseXdo437rY4mpqtwPuO8SvMARg/s200/Piaf.jpg" style="float: right; margin: 0px 0px 10px 10px;" /></span></a><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> When Edith Piaf died in October 1963 "the ceremony at the cemetery was attended by more than <strong>100,000</strong> fans", and it was the only time since the end of World War II that the traffic in Paris had come to a complete stop.<br />
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Piaf was denied a funeral mass by the Roman Catholic Archbishop of Paris because of her lifestyle, but since then a much more friendly attitude towards depravity has prevailed among top prelates: the Archbishop of Los Angeles celebrated a two-hour ritual for Sinatra.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 100%; line-height: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>This post is one of five drafted by Tony before he became too ill to blog. He had scheduled it for 20th May, 2012. Today is the first anniversary of his death so we are publishing this. His funeral, by the way, was considerably smaller but, we are quite certain, substantially jollier than any of those mentioned in his draft post. Pope John Paul II ALSO elected to snub Tony's funeral, as he had Sinatra's, earning Frank S. and Tony B. yet another thing in common.</i></span></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6992779.post-31881871885249559122012-05-25T09:30:00.000+01:002012-06-01T23:21:28.258+01:00Tony 1931-2012This is the blog of Tony. Had blogging been invented twenty years earlier it is likely this would have had a deleterious effect on his career progress. As it was, it had a beneficial effect on his retirement. Tony passed away at home on 25th May, 2012. Details of his funeral and where donations can be made can be found at:<br />
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http://arthurctowner.tributes.to/anthony-alfred-tony-brooks/<br />
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We have no plans ever to remove this blog. Tony left a small number of unpublished posts. We may publish these in future if it seems right.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6992779.post-87796465261618190142012-04-20T12:23:00.055+01:002012-04-20T12:23:00.209+01:00Message for Waldstein<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">For many years it was believed that Beethoven's Piano Sonata No 21 in C was named after one of his patrons. It is true that Beethoven did dedicate the work to Count Ferdinand Ernst Gabriel von Waldstein of Vienna, but it acquired its popular name for quite a different reason.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The composer had a very dear friend called Mr Waldstein. They had both studied counterpoint with Johann Albrechtsberger in 1795 and kept up a relationship by correspondence for some years. By 1804, however, Beethoven had started to make a name for himself while his friend's career had faltered, and, perhaps through jealousy, Waldstein had stopped replying to Beethoven's letters. </span><span style="font-family: Arial;">This hurt Beethoven deeply, and in the sonata he wrote in that year he included a coded message in the first movement, intended as a gentle reminder.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">It was a plaintive melody, GFEDC, DEFGF, and it meant "Oh, Mr Waldstein, why don't you ring me?"</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Sadly, there is no record of him ever getting a response.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">At home all this is too much bother, and anyway is bad for one's health, so over the years I have found simpler breakfasts suit me better. Some of the healthier options are not too bad: a slice or two of a new white loaf, lightly toasted, spread (sparingly, as it tells you on the pot)with salted creamery butter and<em> Patum Peperium,</em>The Gentleman's Relish, Est 1828, or, thickly, with taramasalata (the kind with smoked salmon in it is good) are quite acceptable.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But looming over the breakfast scene is the horror of <em>cereals</em>. It's not that there is little choice; every supermarket has a whole aisle of colourful boxes, containing fifty varieties of the stuff: some consisting of polystyrene, some of dust with bits in, called muesli, some which degrade to a brown sludge when you add milk, some tasting of straw and some made almost entirely of sugar. There is one called Grape-Nuts, invented in 1897 by C.W. Post, a competitor of Kellogg, containing neither grapes nor nuts. This was part of the Jungle Rations which were given to American soldiers from 1939 and in WWII, as if they didn't have enough troubles: it is like eating gravel.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">However, I have recently discovered a way of making a plateful of breakfast cereal almost edible: choose a bland and harmless one and, before you put in the milk (or, better, crème fraîche), <em>add a tablespoonful of lemon curd.</em> </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This will not actually be very <em>nice</em>, but it's not as disgusting as anything else you can do with cereal (like the dreadful gritty <em>buns</em> suggested by the manufacturers of All-Bran). </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6992779.post-1212138842236745432012-04-10T12:10:00.000+01:002012-04-10T12:10:01.292+01:00Exhausted<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhq2SR8pevRRPOf4qr8JPmOWr3SFTqhylkHCFOgBq7sH1lDXJghtuItaEWTmcc6aHtZnV8hqWza9GOiclxwFL_12udF9TLGMkH06dulsclm1AiomBuFf8rdG314d6Co8hpJFTwb/s1600/exhausted.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhq2SR8pevRRPOf4qr8JPmOWr3SFTqhylkHCFOgBq7sH1lDXJghtuItaEWTmcc6aHtZnV8hqWza9GOiclxwFL_12udF9TLGMkH06dulsclm1AiomBuFf8rdG314d6Co8hpJFTwb/s320/exhausted.jpg" width="219" /></a></div><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"Just what we need, darling, do stop and get a couple!"</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Easy to see why the poor fellow looks so glum.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">They often fall off on the terrible roads but there are few cars so there's very little demand for the things in Azerbaijan. </span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6992779.post-28428470670821865732012-04-05T09:27:00.058+01:002012-04-12T09:48:49.571+01:00Ten Questions: 101-110<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>101</strong> The Andean and California are two species of what?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>102</strong> What links Louis Armstrong, Oliver Tambo, John Lennon, George Best?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>103</strong> What's the lowest prime number consisting of consecutive digits?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>104</strong> What is the English title of the old song known to the French as "Les adieux du soldat"?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>105</strong> "The mills of God grind slowly, but they grind exceeding small..." Translated from what language, and by whom?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>106</strong> Which country is the fastest-growing exporter of kosher products on earth?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>107 </strong> How many silloths in an ephah?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>108</strong> What is conjunctivitis.com?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>109</strong> Who is this? Clue: This photo was taken in 1965 when he was in disguise, aged 37. Two years later he died.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>110</strong> "The best things in life are free”. Why might chiropodists interpret this as a piece of professional advice?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><a href="http://omf.blogspot.com/2004/01/answers-to-another-ten-questions.html">ANSWERS</a></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">. </span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6992779.post-48203263412898896852012-03-30T12:49:00.007+01:002012-03-30T18:04:12.401+01:00A cool word<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">One of the pleasures of getting older is hearing the next generation but two still using quaint out-of-date slang like <em>cool</em>, <em>with it</em> and so on, thus showing themselves to be just as old-fashioned now as they once told us we were.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It is pleasant to find them occasionally using words which they believe to be modern but which we know to be around a hundred years old. Here’s one, its use and origin comprehensively explained in the OED:</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong><span style="font-size: 130%; line-height: 130%;"><span style="font-size: medium;">def, a</span></span></strong>.</span><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 100%; line-height: 130%;">Excellent, outstanding; fashionable, ‘cool’.</span></strong><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">slang (orig. U.S., esp. in African-American usage).</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Forms: 19- <em>def, def'</em>, irreg. <em>deaf</em>. [Prob. alteration of DEATH n., originating in the non-standard Jamaican English pronunciation and spelling <em>def</em>, and the use of the word (in both forms) as a general intensifier (see quot. 1907).</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 130%;">Cf. DEATH a.2 The form in quot. <strong>1979</strong> is often interpreted as being a use of DEF a., and is in fact spelt <em>def</em> in many later transcriptions of the song, including that in L. A. Stanley Rap: the Lyrics (<strong>1992</strong>). However, in the original published lyrics, the word is spelt <em>death</em>, although the pronunciation on the recording itself is indistinct. This song, one of the most celebrated and influential hip-hop records and one of the first to enjoy international commercial success, may in part account for the enduring use of <em>def</em> within the genre and the strength of its association with hip-hop culture.An alternative derivation <em>def'</em> in quot. <strong>1982</strong>.]</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 130%;"><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"> [<strong>1907 </strong>W. JEKYLL Jamaican Song; Story lxviii. 171 ‘I never do him one <em>def</em> ting,’ a single thing. ‘Def’ is emphatic, but is not a ‘swear-word’. <strong>1979</strong> G. O'BRIEN et al. Rapper's Delight (song, perf. ‘Sugarhill Gang’), Someone get a fly girl, gonna get some spank and drive off in a <em>death</em> O.J.] <strong>1981</strong> W. SAFIRE in N.Y. Times Mag. 18 Jan. 6/3 <em>Deaf</em> [sic] a mispronunciation of ‘death’ is the current superlative. (In topsyturvytalk, <em>death</em> is the liveliest and <em>baad-baaader-baaadest</em> is the equivalent of <em>good-better-best</em>.) <strong>1982 </strong>in S. Hager Hip Hop (1984) 89 A sureshot party presentation... Thurs. January 21... ‘Aanother <em>def'</em> bet’. <strong>1986</strong> Village Voice (N.Y.) 4 Nov. 24/2 ‘It's Yours’ T LA Rock and Jazzy Jay (Partytime, 1984) Here's the first <em>def </em>jam that made the others possible.<strong> 1992</strong> Buffalo (N.Y.) News 23 Aug. G1/2 No self-respecting teen-ager in Buffalo who wants to be <em>def</em> listens to the bubble-gum music on classic hits radio. <strong>1996</strong> V. WALTERS Rude Girls xiii. 277 Yeah, that's a <em>def</em> idea. 1999 Y (S. Afr.) June 75/2 Premier's ‘New York State Of Mind Pt II’ is <em>def,</em> the bombest joint.</span></span><br />
</span><span style="line-height: 130%;"></span></span><br />
<div style="clear: both;"></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6992779.post-54522924597559959572012-03-25T08:08:00.000+01:002012-03-25T08:21:09.906+01:00An old trick, but a good one<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> <span style="font-size: 100%; line-height: 130%;">There comes a point in life when one has ceased to acquire major new skills, and but still have some which need to be perfected: getting out of bed without falling over, for example (or indeed doing <em>anything</em> without falling over).</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 100%; line-height: 130%;"><br />
Many of the skills which I have retained are of very little practical value to me now. Will I ever again need to stand properly to attention? I could, if necessary, because I remember very clearly the instructions for doing it, which I never saw written down but only heard bawled: <em>Headup-chinin-chestout-stomachin-heelstogether-feetatanangleof45degrees-thumbsinlinewiththeseamsofthetrousers-standperfectlySTIW</em>! It’s probably done differently nowadays.<br />
<br />
Something else I could still do if asked was rarely called for even at the time. It was called <em>Rest On Your Arms Reversed</em>, and it went like this:<br />
<br />
On the appropriate commands, you sloped arms, then presented them (more fun doing this with a sword, but that's another story).<br />
<a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/4423/379/1600/rsf1.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/4423/379/320/rsf1.jpg" style="float: right; margin: 0px 0px 10px 10px;" /></a><br />
You are now in this position, only in a different sort of uniform (unless you were in the Royal Scots Fusiliers) and without the bayonet, for reasons which will become clear. <span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 78%;">(Also, the position of his right foot isn't quite correct: it should have been crashed down at a slight angle so that its heel was tucked into the the instep of the left.) </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 78%;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 78%;"></span></span>Then comes the tricky bit: on the command <em>Rest...</em>etc., you rotated the rifle forwards through 180 degrees (first moving it away from you to avoid giving yourself a nasty knock with the butt) until the muzzle rested on the toe of your left boot. Then, slowly, one at a time, you made a big circle with each arm, following the hand with your eyes until they (your hands, that is) were clasped over the end of the butt with your elbows still sticking out. Finally, in one quick move, you dropped your elbows and bowed your head, reverently.<br />
<br />
How you got back from this position I have quite forgotten. But given a hint or two about that, and a short Lee-Enfield, I would love to play a small part, if called upon to do so, in the obsequies of some royal person, for that is the kind of occasion when this manoevre is—or used to be—carried out. A misty autumn day with a slight drizzle, the Dead March in <em>Saul, </em>the black-draped coffin on the gun carriage<em>....... </em>Great!<br />
<br />
.<br />
</span></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6992779.post-69918381824000747362012-03-20T09:23:00.003+00:002012-03-27T10:47:40.029+01:00Scalpels over the Ruhr<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Earlier this month I had an operation and a few days in hospital. I did not expect an especially jolly week but I was not nervous, because what had to be done to me was not at all life-threatening, though everyone knows that there is always some risk with operations: if something goes wrong, even little things such as having a mole removed, say, can leave you crippled for life, while clumsy work on an ingrowing toenail can kill you. Anyway, I felt it was unlikely that the sort of emergency that crops up frequently in TV hospital dramas would arise in my case, with cries of "Quick, nurse, intubate!" or, from a worried anaesthetist, a quiet "I say, he's gone rather a funny colour...".<br />
<br />
They decided to give me an epidural. I'd had one of these years ago, but on that occasion I also had a general anaesthetic; this time I was fully conscious throughout so that during the operation I could listen to the conversation of the theatre staff, a rare privilege.<br />
<br />
They had all courteously introduced themselves to me as they bustled about in the ante-room but I can remember only a couple of the names; there seemed to be at least three surgeons, an anaesthetist, two or three other men whose function I forget, and two female nurses.<br />
<br />
From the way they chatted to each other it was clear that here was a happy team with mutual respect; their discussion was of course serious but lightened with an occasional quip. They were not as persistently jokey as some proctologists and colo-rectal surgeons I have encountered, but when you think of where the latter spend their working lives it is not surprising that they acquire huge repertoires of funny stories to get them through the day.<br />
<br />
After the introductions the head honcho asked the team to gather round and then proceeded to give them a pre-op chat. None of the team were old enough to have been WWII bomber pilots, but the general tone was very similar to a Wing Commander's briefing, though using different words to describe a very different sort of operation:<br />
<br />
<em>Right, settle down, chaps, smoke if you want to.<br />
Tonight, it's Dortmund again. We're going over in two waves: I shall lead the first and Squadron Leader Wilmington the second. The first will drop </em><em>incendiaries and the second 5,000-pounders.<br />
Keep your eyes open for fighters as soon as we're over Germany, and there'll be heavy ack-ack over the target.<br />
Weather will be......</em><br />
<br />
...and so on. It was all most interesting and impressive. I would have liked to have joined in with questions or helpful comments, but I was too shy.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">[Of course, smoking would not have been allowed in the theatre; you can't, anyway, when you're wearing a mask.]</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">.</span> </span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0Hastings District, East Sussex, UK50.859622557818327 0.5720182483520375250.832994057818325 0.49299574835203752 50.886251057818328 0.65104074835203751tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6992779.post-4633726219069414412012-03-15T18:53:00.002+00:002012-03-15T18:53:00.872+00:00A frank and honest report<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A despatch from a remote spot from which few journalists have been able to file copy is likely to be accurate, particularly when it is written by someone who has no interest in embroidering his experiences or departing in any way from the whole truth.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Christopher Hitchens' latest report will therefore be widely accepted. </span><br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.washingtonmonthly.com/magazine/march_april_2012/features/heaven_can_wait035759.php?page=1"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">http://www.washingtonmonthly.com/magazine/march_april_2012/features/heaven_can_wait035759.php?page=1</span></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6992779.post-17615810856952741592012-03-10T10:03:00.000+00:002012-03-10T10:03:00.161+00:00Free OED, but you have to wait<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I have written many posts about the mighty Oxford English Dictionary, and </span><a href="http://omf.blogspot.com/2011/01/location-location.html"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">this one</span></a><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> described a way of getting access to the online version for nothing.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There is another way: simply sign up to the OED </span><a href="http://www.oed.com/public/wordoftheday"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Word of the Day</span></a><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> and you will be emailed daily with a link to the dictionary's entry for a word or phrase which, for one reason or another, is considered interesting. A recent example is <em>Ps and Qs</em><em>; </em>the etymology of this is uncertain, and the OED lists seven possibles, likely or unlikely.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But does this mean, I hear you cry, that they will email you the entries for every one of the OED's 600,000 words and 3 million quotations? Well, yes, they will, but it will take them over 750 years, even if there are no new entries (the last quarterly update noted that 1,200 new words and meanings had been added). </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6992779.post-23251833325360583982012-03-05T11:13:00.000+00:002012-03-05T11:13:00.606+00:00Drained crystals<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Watching re-runs of lousy old TV dramas is hugely enjoyable: it is fascinating to see which of them can give nostalgic pleasure and which are even worse heaps of rubbish than one remembers them. Fortunately many contemporary reviews are available on the internet so that it is possible to see what the critics thought of them at the time </span><br />
<div id="content-column"><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">For example, there is a comprehensive archive of <a href="http://www.clivejames.com/books/critichome">Clive James' writing on TV between 1972 and 1982.</a> This is what he had to say about <em>Star Trek</em>: </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">On <i>Star Trek</i> (BBC1) our galaxy got itself invaded from a parallel universe by an alien <i>Doppelgänger</i> toting mysterioso weaponry. These bad vibes in the time-warp inspired the line of the week. ‘Whatever that phenomenon was,’ piped Kirk’s dishy new black lieutenant, ‘it drained our crystals almost completely. Could mean trouble.’</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">In our house for the past few years it’s been a straight swap between two series: if my wife is allowed to watch <i>Ironside</i> I’m allowed to watch <i>Star Trek</i>, and so, by a bloodless compromise possible only between adults, we get to watch one unspeakable show per week each. (My regular and solitary viewing of <i>It’s a Knock-Out</i> and <i>Mission Impossible</i> counts as professional dedication.)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">How, you might ask, can anyone harbour a passion for such a crystal-draining pile of barbiturates as <i>Star Trek</i>? The answer, I think, lies in the classical inevitability of its repetitions. As surely as Brünnhilde’s big moments are accompanied by a few bars of the Valkyries’ ride, Spock will say that the conclusion would appear to be logical, Captain. Uhura will turn leggily from her console to transmit information conveying either (a) that all contact with Star Fleet has been lost, or (b) that it has been regained. Chekhov will act badly. Bones (‘Jim, it may seem unbelievable, but my readings indicate that this man has … <i>two hearts</i>’) will act extremely badly. Kirk, employing a thespian technique picked up from someone who once worked with somebody who knew Lee Strasberg’s sister, will lead a team consisting of Spock and Bones into the <i>Enterprise</i>’s transporter room and so on down to the alien planet on which the Federation’s will is about to be imposed in the name of freedom.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">The planet always turns out to be the same square mile of rocky Californian scrubland long ago overexposed in the Sam Katzman serials: Brick Bradford was there, and Captain Video – not to mention Batman, Superman, Jungle Jim and the Black Commando. I mean like this place has been <i>worn smooth</i>, friends. But the futuristic trio flip open their communicators, whip out their phasers, and peer alertly into the hinterland, just as if the whole layout were as threateningly pristine as the Seven Cities of Cibola. <i>Star Trek</i> has the innocence of belief.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Another example is this piece on Kenneth Griffith's documentary about Jesus:</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">During the course of his career as a maker of documentaries, this compact but variously gifted Welsh actor has been intense about such figures as Napoleon and Cecil Rhodes. Now he was after even bigger game — Jesus Christ. Retracing the journey of the Magi, Kenneth landed in Iran. Immediately he was thrown out. As usual Kenneth interpreted this rejection as an Establishment plot. Kenneth is convinced that the Establishment, everywhere, is out to get him, stifle his voice, ban his programmes, etc. 'I certainly have automatic high velocity RIFLES!' he shouted sarcastically.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Nothing daunted, Kenneth joined the Magi's trail at another point. Ruins of ancient cities trembled in the heat. A caricature stage Welshman darting abruptly out of doorways, Kenneth blended obtrusively into the scenery. He has a high visibility factor, mainly because he is incapable of either just standing there when he is standing there or just walking when he is walking. Standing there, he drops into a crouch, feet splayed, arms loosely gesticulating, eyes popping, teeth bared in a vulpine snarl. Walking, he makes sudden appearances over the tops of small hills.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Kenneth can ask you the time in a way that makes you wonder how he would play Richard III, so it can be imagined that when discussing Jesus he was seldom guilty of underplaying a scene. 'Jesus', he whimpered, ramming his hands deep into his pockets and staring sideways into the camera, 'was... a Jew.' In possession of this and much similar knowledge that the Establishment would like to ban, Kenneth kept moving through the desert, aiming the occasional slow karate chop at a rock. 'Of course all truth', he confided to the camera and a surrounding mountain range, 'is dangerous to all Establishments.' But even while saying this he was positioning himself on top of a particularly inviting mountain. </span><span style="font-size: x-small;">Kenneth's version of the Sermon on the Mount was delivered to all points of the compass.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Spinning, jerking, ducking and weaving, he made you realise just how it was that Jesus attracted so much attention. As the son of a Nazarene carpenter Jesus would have remained unknown. It was by carrying on like a balding Taff madman with St Vitus's dance that he got his message across. 'Blessed are the MEEK!' shrieked Kenneth, climaxing a programme to which I unhesitatingly award, for the second time in the history of this column, that most rarely conferred of all television trophies, the Tin Bum of Rangoon.</span><br />
<br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">This is classy writing. I read all James' TV pieces in the <em>Observer</em> when they first appeared and they are worth re-reading now. A comment in another article he wrote on Kenneth Griffith has stuck in my mind: "Griffith, if called upon, could do <em>Gone with the Wind</em> as a one-man show, including the burning of Atlanta if someone would set light to his socks."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">On the evidence of his TV reviews and some of his literary essays—which are also in his archive—Clive James is witty, clever and erudite. But not particularly wise: years ago, he wrote a mawkish and fawning piece as an obituary (entitled, grandly, "Requiem") for Princess Diana, with whom he was besotted, while acknowledging that she was unstable, a liar and occasionally a fruitcake on the rampage; he was hugely impressed that she had enjoyed his company on many occasions, and had accepted his invitation to lunch. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Oddly, at the same time he was describing Prince Charles as "a man as good and honest as any I have ever met", and expressing agreement with the view that he will make a great king.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana;">He has a sharp eye for pretentiousness but not his own: <em>Private Eye</em> once devoted a whole <em>Pseuds Corner</em> to him, a rare distinction.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6992779.post-74823338151094179272012-02-29T09:37:00.004+00:002012-02-29T10:17:24.362+00:00Ten Questions: 91-100<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>91</strong> Who was said to have been lovely as Peer Gynt?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
<strong>92</strong> How do you say "Hamlet, I am thy father's ghost" in Afrikaans?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
<strong>93</strong> When did Lancelot first appear?<br />
<br />
<strong>94</strong> What four words mean (roughly) "tiredness" and all begin with the same letter? <br />
<br />
<strong>95</strong> What flew before the girl could go into the garden?<br />
<br />
<strong>96</strong> In 1961 Rous, then Havelange, and since 1998, who?<br />
<br />
<strong>97</strong> Clint Reno, Vince Everett, Danny Fisher, Chad Gates, Lucky Jackson. Who were they? <br />
<br />
<strong>98</strong> Who is the only divorced US President?<br />
<br />
<strong>99</strong> Which Antipodean town is named after the wife of Sir Charles Todd?<br />
<br />
<strong>100</strong> Why, according to the French Foreign Legion, is there no black pudding for the Belgians?<br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">ANSWERS ARE </span><a href="http://omf.blogspot.com/2004/01/answers-to-ten-more-questions.html"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #3333ff;">HERE</span></span></a><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Earlier questions are </span><a href="http://www.omf.blogspot.com/search/label/questions"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #3333ff;">HERE</span></span></a></div></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6992779.post-1396664959956408822012-02-25T12:15:00.000+00:002012-02-25T10:32:12.245+00:00Essential sugar pills<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>Self Help Homeopathic Remedy Kit for Friends & Family</strong></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVG9NMCbU8B5XI6ARkOq_4H-Yf1K9Isz8OZTTtZPnv2EkuA8xMTOL3bCupK0seuXRvU_Tp7GTY5qiStkCNwkeBwTBsGd1QojibFq7G2Eqe0QsByADQ6OdSob9hL28gNSuq2yCH/s1600/thumb_ainsworth1a%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVG9NMCbU8B5XI6ARkOq_4H-Yf1K9Isz8OZTTtZPnv2EkuA8xMTOL3bCupK0seuXRvU_Tp7GTY5qiStkCNwkeBwTBsGd1QojibFq7G2Eqe0QsByADQ6OdSob9hL28gNSuq2yCH/s1600/thumb_ainsworth1a%5B1%5D.jpg" /></a></div><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Ainsworths Essential Remedy Kit contains 42 remedies in 30C potency in 2g vials (approx 35 doses per vial). The remedies are made with sucrose pills. The kit comes in a beautiful dark green plastic box with sturdy hinges and includes a 72 page instruction booklet.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The remedies included are: </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><em>Aconite, Allium Cepa, Ant Tart, Apis Mel, Argent Nit, Arnica, Arsen Alb, Belladonna, Bryonia, Calc Carb, Calendula, Cantharis, Carbo Veg, Chamomilla, China, Cocculus, Drosera, Euphrasia, Ferrum Phos, Gelsemium, Hepar Sulph, Hypericum, Ignatia, Ipecac, Kali Bich, Lachesis, Ledum, Lycopodium, Mag Phos, Merc sol, Mixed Pollens, Nat Mur, Nux Vom, Passiflora Co, Phosphorus, Pulsatilla, Rhus Tox, Ruta, Sepia, Silica, Staphisagria, Sulphur</em></span><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><em><strong>Cost: £43 (plus £2.50 P&P)</strong></em></span></div><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;">Now there's an attractive offer: all that for little more than a pound a remedy!</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">While this advertisement doesn't say what these things are actually good for, you can no doubt find that information in the 72-page instruction booklet. Ainsworths have to be very careful about what they claim for fear of being found to be contravening the regulations of the Advertising Standards Association, which now apply to advertising on the web as well as in leaflets and on packaging. The ASA is already investigating many false claims made by homeopaths relating to the value of their products as a "cure", as a "remedy", or "for the relief of" </span><span style="font-family: Arial;">named conditions.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">However, one claim which may be made with absolute confidence by vendors of homeopathic preparations is that they do not cause undesirable side effects: they cannot, for they contain no active ingredient <span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">whatsoever. One third of a </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Drop_(unit)" title="Drop (unit)"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">drop</span></a></span><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> of some original substance diluted into all the water on earth would produce a remedy with a concentration of about 13C.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Those in this kit are all at 30C dilution, the "potency" </span><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">advocated a couple of hundred years ago by the inventor of homeopathy, Samuel Hahnemann, for most purposes. </span><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">On average, this would require giving two billion doses per second to six billion people for 4 billion years to deliver a single molecule of the original material to any patient. So you don't need to worry about whether it is the Belladonna or the Lycopodium that you need to ease your distress, for none of the little vials contain any of the exotic ingredients listed; you can swallow the whole contents of all 42 vials in one go: they will do you no good, and no harm either, though it is never advisable to consume so many sugar pills at one time.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><em>[</em></span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homeopathy"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><em>HERE</em></span></a><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><em> is an explanation of "potentization", and other terms used by homeopaths</em></span>.]</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6992779.post-51361681849541828622012-02-20T09:25:00.002+00:002012-02-20T09:35:19.753+00:00Mr Rudson and all that lot<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">One of my grand-daughters has lived in Spain since she was a toddler. Her name is Meadow, but she can't help that. Now nine years old, she is very bright and as near bilingual as it is possible to be.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The other day her mother said to her, "What are you going to do about your homework?". Meadow's response was, "I don't know, but [<em>singing</em>] what are we going to do about Uncle Arthur?"</span><br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdYfFsBWg6S9Wc8O2ouTrB2r8hZWdcQrWVwqXBflpwNGkA5IVteqhPCclOq30lpqF5zmHquXPiSozZ0WKs5gTpPugCbSs8dGxNmSrKMUflrm2w-NpSwAJxsnnHJc3fp0s_SJyu/s1600/upstairs_downstairs.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdYfFsBWg6S9Wc8O2ouTrB2r8hZWdcQrWVwqXBflpwNGkA5IVteqhPCclOq30lpqF5zmHquXPiSozZ0WKs5gTpPugCbSs8dGxNmSrKMUflrm2w-NpSwAJxsnnHJc3fp0s_SJyu/s320/upstairs_downstairs.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Apparently she watches <em>Upstairs, Downstairs</em> on TV with her mother every Saturday morning; I do not know how many of the 68 episodes they have seen so far.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Meadow does not visit England very often, but great efforts have been made to keep her familiar with things English, and it has struck me that watching this old drama, creaky though it may be, will give her some insight into events in her native country between 1904 and 1930, and the zeitgeist of the period.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Later she will work out for herself that England isn't quite like that any more and perhaps never was.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;">[Last night's ITV showed the first episode of the second chunk of the continued series of UD, all about the Munich crisis. Not bad, but suffers by comparison wth <em>Downton Abbey</em>.]</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;">.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6992779.post-37589225210883340742012-02-15T08:12:00.005+00:002012-03-11T11:32:49.460+00:00Lock up your ferrets<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I have never been greatly interested in ferrets. Cheery little fellows, I grant you, but lacking the <em>gravitas</em> of your typical weasel or the diffident charm of a couple of British stoats—both called Arthur—to whom I tried teaching a few simple tricks, without, I have to say, much success. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But a letter published in my local paper a couple of weeks ago introduced me to the fascinating world of ferret distemper, the existence of which I had never before suspected:</span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial;"><em>I am a ferret owner and member of a group of owners on Facebook who have been discussing the issue of ferret distemper.</em></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial;"><em>I have also been very careful with mine by not letting them out as I am aware of this distemper outbreak. I know it's not mentioned specifically in our area but things like this have a habit of spreading very quickly and easily.</em></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial;"><em>There are still people walking out with their ferrets, maybe some who just haven't heard about the outbreaks. Not all ferret owners will be on Facebook.</em></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial;"><em>So, if you know a ferret owner who knows nothing about this outbreak, please pass on the details. It could be in all innocence wiping out animals before very long if no warnings are to go out.</em></span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYq1CM51c_N7-p1cBjmqoQGPkHld5xcYjtto_Kx_hBRNa3IAiPu-HH8Fr8ys0Hv6xPrJfVhkShi4EuGusbKidf722bic1Ym5kFajE__uJZwJyAiCBh384OJS2k3gMvnaNxAp3Z/s1600/ferret.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a></div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYq1CM51c_N7-p1cBjmqoQGPkHld5xcYjtto_Kx_hBRNa3IAiPu-HH8Fr8ys0Hv6xPrJfVhkShi4EuGusbKidf722bic1Ym5kFajE__uJZwJyAiCBh384OJS2k3gMvnaNxAp3Z/s1600/ferret.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="142" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYq1CM51c_N7-p1cBjmqoQGPkHld5xcYjtto_Kx_hBRNa3IAiPu-HH8Fr8ys0Hv6xPrJfVhkShi4EuGusbKidf722bic1Ym5kFajE__uJZwJyAiCBh384OJS2k3gMvnaNxAp3Z/s200/ferret.jpg" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am posting this because I feel that OMF should give the warning wider publicity;. Also, I have never actually seen anyone walking out with a ferret but if I do I shall not hesitate to accost him (or her) and point out the irresponsibility of her (or his) actions. As we all know, even those of us who are not on Facebook, this type of distemper affects dogs as well as ferrets; it can be fatal or lead to many nasty conditions such as vesicular/pustular lesions on the abdomen, and we all know how painful they can be.</span><br />
<div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><span style="font-family: Arial;">.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6992779.post-20490146025050914192012-02-10T08:15:00.001+00:002012-02-12T11:58:29.930+00:00Let Them Eat Bread<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A few months ago we wanted to have a major decade-related family birthday celebration, but our favourite caff couldn't accommodate a party of nine, so we chose another local one, also Michelin-starred. I will call it The Gannet, for that was not its name.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Last week there was an exchange of emails:</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><em>Me to The Gannet<br />
</em>Will you please take our names off your mailing list. We shall not be visiting The Gannet again.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><em>The Gannet to me:</em><br />
Yes, of course we will remove you from our mailing list, right away. I am so sorry to hear that you won't be visiting The Gannet again, may I please ask why?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><em>Me to The Gannet:</em></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Well, yes, as you ask, I will tell you.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Last year my wife and I booked a birthday dinner for nine family members. We had some email correspondence with you beforehand, and consulted all the guests so that we were able to tell you exactly what everyone wanted for each of the three courses. We also ordered the wine and, to facilitate the service, provided name cards and a table plan. It was an enjoyable evening, and we had no complaints about the dinner or the service.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">However, we had asked if there could be a few black olives and some amuse-gueules on the table when we sat down, and in your reply you wrote:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"...With regard to the amuse <em>[sic]</em> and black olives unfortunately they are neither things that we offer. We do however offer our chef's freshly baked bread, which at the moment is a warm fruit bread served with chestnut honey and butter. This is served to you once you are seated."<br />
</span><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In other words, <em>"...It's not what you want that matters, but what we intend to give you";</em> some such observation was made to me by several friends who heard the story. It was a very small thing that we were asking; the fact that, given more than a week's notice, you could not be bothered to get a jar of olives and put them in a couple of bowls shows an inflexibility and lack of eagerness to please quite unacceptable in any restaurant, let alone one of the top rank, and a customer proposing to spend five hundred pounds on a meal might well be dissatisfied.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As for the amuse-gueules, if your chef is unwilling to make them, or has never heard of them, so be it, but warm fruit bread and honey is no alternative.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Had we not already gone to some trouble in asking our guests (some of whom were coming from overseas) to order in advance from your menu, we would have cancelled the booking and gone elsewhere. As it was we merely resolved not to come again, and it was only recently, when I noticed your newsletters piling up in my junk mail folder, that I thought of asking to be removed from your mailing list.</span><br />
<br />
<em><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The Gannet to me</span></em><br />
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Thank you for the feedback. We’re glad that you enjoyed the overwhelming majority of your experience at The Gannet.<br />
We do not usually serve an amuse bouche or olives at The Gannet, it is out of keeping with the offering for which we have become renowned. Our pre-meal offering is complimentary and very well-received. We were offering our warm bread, chestnut honey and butter as an alternative to olives, and something more in-keeping with The Gannet's British philosophy and values. Had we known your predilection for black olives, we would, of course, have supplied them.<br />
We’re disappointed you weren’t able to embrace The Gannet experience in its totality. The Gannet is purposefully an informal, relaxed restaurant. We remain committed to serving excellent local produce to a community passionate about food served with imagination and flair. As a kitchen, service team, family and business, we work incredibly hard to ensure visitors to The Gannet enjoy their experience, it is a commitment unrelated to the lining of our guests’ pockets.<br />
It’s a shame the absence of an amuse bouche left you so down in the mouth and that you no longer wish to receive our newsletter especially as it continues to put a smile on the faces of those that receive it.<br />
</span><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span> </div><div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><em><span style="font-family: Arial;">Me to The Gannet</span></em></div><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Tahoma;">Thank you for your email explaining why you were unwilling to give us what we had asked for.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Tahoma;">To say that a few olives are "out of keeping" with your British philosophy and values is fatuous; if you reject everything foreign then you should not have "crème fraîche" on your menu. Merely leaving off the accents is not enough: you should call it "sour cream"'.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Tahoma;">We do not have what you call a "predilection" for olives: we asked for them because one of our guests was an eight-year-old girl who lives in Spain and loves them; it had occurred to me that they would keep her amused while we had our pre-dinner gin. I did not think it would be necessary to explain this, imagining that a simple request for such a trivial thing would be enough.</span></span><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The absence of any hint of apology, and the patronising and generally arrogant tone of your response, makes me certain that our decision not to "embrace The Gannet experience in its totality" was a wise one.</span><br />
<div align="left" class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">***************</div><div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am not a complainer by nature, and am normally sympathetic towards the failings of those whose task it is to please the public. But here was a perfect example of the wrong way to handle a complaint, and I could not let this incompetent idiot get away with it. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Of course, it really wasn't worth the bother of writing at that length, or indeed at all. However, this exchange began last weekend, when I was snowed in and there was nothing much on TV.</span></div><div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">.</span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6992779.post-34347800083660280822012-02-05T07:46:00.000+00:002012-02-05T08:08:37.274+00:00As Shakespeare would have put it...<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Those who had nothing better to do and followed the link in the answer to question 40 of <em>Another Twenty Questions</em> will have learned a great deal (perhaps more than they really wanted to know) about <em>The Hokey-Cokey</em> (or <em>-Pokey</em>). </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Here's some more about it; one of the the Washington Post's </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Style_Invitational" title="The Style Invitational"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Style Invitational</span></a><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> contests asked readers to submit "instructions" for something (anything), written in the style of a famous person. The popular winning entry was "The Hokey Pokey as written by William Shakespeare":</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">O proud left foot, that ventures quick within<br />
Then soon upon a backward journey lithe.<br />
Anon, once more the gesture, then begin:<br />
Command sinistral pedestal to writhe.<br />
Commence thou then the fervid Hokey-Poke,<br />
A mad gyration, hips in wanton swirl.<br />
To spin! A wilde release from Heavens yoke.<br />
Blessed dervish! Surely canst go, girl.<br />
The Hoke, the poke -- banish now thy doubt<br />
Verily, I say, 'tis what it's all about.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">[<span style="font-size: x-small;">Wikipedia's fairly comprehensive entry briefly mentions Larry La Prise, one of the many people who have been credited (if that is the right word) with devising the Hokey-Cokey. Whether he did or not (similar dances and lyrics dating back to the 17th century have been found) it was said that </span><span style="font-size: x-small;">when he died in 2002 his family had great difficulty with the funeral: they put his left leg in the coffin, and it was all downhill from there….]</span> </span><br />
<div style="clear: both;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></div><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6992779.post-82158459083401685142012-01-30T10:21:00.001+00:002012-02-01T11:42:43.383+00:00Ten Questions<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We face many years of austerity, and savage cuts in support for many of our cherished institutions will be necessary to ensure the survival of the coalition government. Keen as always to support official policies, <em>Other Men's Flowers</em> is taking the lead: the Board of Editors has decided to make an immediate 50% cut in our much-loved Twenty Questions feature. Here is the first of the newly truncated series:</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>81</strong> What do 114 suras make?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>82</strong> What does the SIM in <em>sim card</em> stand for?<br />
<br />
<strong>83</strong> "Honi soit qui mal y pense" is the motto of what?<br />
<br />
<strong> 84</strong> What links Jim Morrison, Sarah Bernhardt, Oscar Wilde, Chopin?<br />
<br />
<strong>85</strong> Which girl's name was invented by Jonathan Swift?<br />
<br />
<strong>86</strong> Other than humans, which animals can carry leprosy?<br />
<br />
<strong>87</strong> Which Broadway star's marriage to Ernest Borgnine lasted 32 days?<br />
<br />
<strong>88</strong> Which novel is set on 16 June 1904?<br />
<br />
<strong>89</strong> What's the only Scrabble tile with a value not shared by any others?<br />
<br />
<strong>90</strong> Against whom is the bloody standard raised?<br />
</span><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">ANSWERS ARE </span><a href="http://www.omf.blogspot.com/2004/01/answers-to-ten-questions.html"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">HERE</span></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Earlier questions are </span><a href="http://www.omf.blogspot.com/search/label/questions"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">HERE</span></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">.</span></div><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6992779.post-18068901028394147822012-01-25T12:48:00.008+00:002012-01-25T12:48:00.952+00:00Lesser-known Rudyard<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Most Englishmen have no problem in meeting with with Triumph and Disaster,<span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"> </span>and are fully aware not only that the female of the species is more deadly than the male, but also that East is East and West is West and never the twain shall meet. Few realise, though, that some of Kipling's seemingly high-flown pronouncements are actually ironic or even sarcastic.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">A poem he wrote in 1919 is called </span><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><em>The Gods of the Copybook Headings</em>. Hardly anyone nowadays has any idea what the title means; you will have to look <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Copybook_(education)">here</a> if you want to find out what a copybook is, and even then it is not easy to understand exactly what the sly old devil is saying. It could be that he is making a plea for common sense, but perhaps he is pouring scorn on traditional values. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">One verse has given us a colourful image in its third line:</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
<em>As it will be in the future, it was at the birth of Man</em></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><em>There are only four things certain since Social Progress began. <br />
</em></span></span><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><em>That the Dog returns to his Vomit and the Sow returns to her Mire, <br />
And the burnt Fool's bandaged finger goes wabbling back to the Fire</em></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But there is a reason why I have been reminded of these fusty old verses. Let us, holding our noses, turn to the paranoid commentator Glenn Beck, conspiracy theorist, rabble-rouser and darling of Fox News and the loony right. He used the last two verses of the poem in a video trailer and read the entire poem except the final lines on air in his broadcast on October 7, 2010, making <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oKEwHUq0qDk">an attempt to explain it</a> in terms of today's politics and his own beliefs.<br />
<br />
If, on November 6th, one of the possibilities facing the US is realised, he will have a powerful friend: Glenn Beck is a Mormon.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6992779.post-29795274790698157482012-01-20T15:12:00.003+00:002012-01-20T16:23:11.100+00:00A triumph for the FSM<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Austria has long been regarded as a reactionary society, so it is splendid news than an Austrian man has, after a three-year struggle, </span><a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-14135523"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">won the right to wear a colander on his head for his passport photograph</span></a><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">. Well done Niko Alm of Vienna, who has struck a blow for Pastafarians everywhere!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Those unfamiliar with Pastafarianism should read </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flying_Spaghetti_Monster"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">the note in Wikipedia</span></a><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> which explains how its clever and effective argument underlines the absurdity of Intelligent Design and the preposterous creed of creationism. </span><br />
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.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0