Cutting the crap

The excitement generated in us by what comes through our letterbox has reached an all-time low this week. In addition to the usual junk mail, we have had messages from the candidates of the three main political parties, plus the Greens, though nothing yet from the Official Monster Raving Loony Party or from the Provisional Loonies known as the UKIP.
Only one item really captured our interest. Unlike all the others it was not adding to the waste matter on our premises but offering to remove some.

This seems us to raise a number of questions:

• Calling cards? Such coyness! They might have chosen a snappier name, something like Turdaway Limited or, following the current trend in company names, why not Petpoo Solutions?
• What exactly is the meaning of the asterisk against the price referring to the note in small type at the bottom: Conditions may apply? Does this mean the price varies according to the condition of the item, wet or dry?
• Is the cost of £3.99 the total or per item, and
• Is there any limit to people’s ingenuity in devising ways to make a living?